Love is so important. We want to give and receive love, and we want it to be healthy. We want to be in life-long relationships where problems get worked out, communication fosters intimacy, and our sexual desires are met. This is all good stuff.
We live in a time of self-improvement and expanded human potential. If you are a woman, you have been reading articles about how to improve this and enhance that since you were a teenager. And right after our bodies, the target for improvement has been our relationships.
Somewhere along the way, this movement has cultivated a requirement for near-perfection in our relationships. If you know me, you know that I am the biggest supporter of vibrant, healthy, happy relationships. But I see an unrealistic expectation growing in all of us: the need to have a near-perfect partner/relationship, with perpetual happiness as a requirement.
But not every satisfying relationship gets forged between two amazingly healthy people in precisely the right timing. What then?
I’m writing this for you if you are single and feeling resigned about ever finding your husband/wife.
I’m also writing this for you if you have started a new relationship but are about to jump ship because things aren’t perfect, or he/she doesn’t have all the attributes on your ‘Must Have In A Mate’ list.
Love can grow into a beautiful thing, even between two broken people who start out making unhealthy demands and have ridiculous expectations.
Love can grow into a healthy relationship, even if at first the communication skills suck, he stresses too much, and she recedes in silence.
I know of a couple who, after seven straight years of fighting and a miserable marriage, fell madly in love in the eighth year. They just celebrated their 30th anniversary.
Love can spark and flourish even when the timing is all wrong.
Love can survive, even if you have rushed into things wayyyy too quickly and put impossible demands on a tender bud of a relationship. It is possible to weather the storm and keep loving each other until the foundation has had time to be built.
There is such a thing as long distance love affairs that are lovingly protected, creatively sustained, and provide intimacy and sanctuary for both partners.
There ARE fairytale romances that don’t have malignancy inside the castle walls. They have been sweet and easy from the beginning. No drama. For real.
It is possible for the slow-burner friendship to turn into the hottest love affair, even though both lovers are dispassionate by nature.
All around the globe there are marriages that shouldn’t have made it, where he was too headstrong and she was hard to handle, and they had money problems, but they have a healthy respect for each other that grew out of being patient with each other.
Love is strong and can endure, even in seasons when hearts are hard and dry as desert.
Love can thrive even when you meet in rehab and get sober together. Wisdom says you should wait till you’re 12 months clean, but the love and partnership between you provides healing and fortitude to walk the journey out.
There is a love that can grow, that allows you to smile and say “we were all wrong for each other, but we figured out how to be right in the most important ways.”
Love has found a way to survive in this world, all these years since the beginning of time, without therapy and self-help books and clean energetic spaces.
I’m not suggesting we tolerate abuse or partner with someone who we can’t authentically love. But I think it’s okay if the pendulum swings back the other way. It’s okay to stop over-thinking love, and meet it on its imperfect road.
Do you have an imperfect love story? If so, I’d love for you to share in the comments below.
- Letter from Johnny Cash to his wife June
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“I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it’s these things I’d believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn’t all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald
With so much love,
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Comments
Elizabeth
I want to share about love after 21 years of marriage. It’s real, it’s imperfect and it’s a priceless gift that comes at great price. Open heart to open heart, in love, vulnerability, humility, forgiveness, understanding and respect.
We just finished an 18 week marriage class that brought us to a new challenge in our relationship and a time of reckoning. Both of us totally committed to the journey…because we know it brings richer, deeper, more profound and real Love!
When my husband proposed to me 22 years ago he invited me to “Come magnify the Lord and exalt His name together.” I still love him and it was the beginning of everything!
Shauna
I so LOVED this. I sometimes have felt as if I’ll never have it together enough for love, reading this struck such a chord of truth in my heart. Thanks for writing it!!
Crystal @YogiCrystal
Wow, thank you! I needed this reminder today. I’m currently in a long distance relationship, which is very challenging and there are days that I just want to give up. But then I have to ask myself why… and usually the answer is “because it’s too difficult”… well, love is difficult and I am never alone on this journey. Great post.
Tia Sparkles Singh
I love this reminder so, so, so much. And you. Thank you for helping me keep the faith!
Asiah Malik
Hi Stephanie,
Today’s daily card was exceptionally touching… it seems that somehow you write what I wish to read at that exact point in my life … loved the quote from Mr Fitzgerald….
Thankyou so much …
Love and light,
Asiah
( Sydney, Australia)
Steph
Your are so welcome Asiah…thank you for your kind words. That blesses me to hear. xo, Steph
Shelby
There is a love that can grow, that allows you to smile and say “we were all wrong for each other, but we figured out how to be right in the most important ways.”
that line oh it was so perfect!
I have a budding imperfect love story… we’ve been friends since I was 13 he was my brothers bff when i was in high school (and i had an IMMENSE crush on him from when i was 13-17) and I was the little sister who tagged along. we have always stayed close and we started to hang out more when I was in my last relationship. since that last relationship fell apart we hung out quite a bit and then one day we were watching a movie together and cuddled on my bed (we’ve always been really cuddly friends so this wasn’t new) and he just rolled me over and kissed me. my mind was blown, i’m still not sure its happening. like i feel like i’m going to wake up from a dream or something. he’s so sweet and funny and kick-ass! (he’s an MMA fighter) not to mention he is GORGEOUS and he sings to me, But we are still trying to figure it out, we have so many close mutual friends and connections with past relationships we’re not sure what they’ll think but i’m thinking we’re just going to not care what everyone else thinks and do what makes us happy.