There will come a moment when you run out. The moment that there won’t be enough. Not enough money, not enough time, not enough love, not enough charm, not enough influence, not enough power. It’s horrible to feel like you’ve run out – or are about to.
Part of being a human includes going through periods of time like this.
The ‘not enough’ conversation is 90% perspective. But you knew that.
And frankly, that doesn’t help when you’re looking down the barrel of a gun.
Down the barrel of I can’t pay my mortgage.
Down the barrel of never-ending depression.
Down the barrel of my marriage is ending and I don’t know what else to do to save it.
Down the barrel of I can’t seem to get a job.
Down the barrel of my teenager is getting into drugs and I don’t have influence over him anymore.
Down the barrel of I’m in my 30’s and I have to move home.
Down the barrel of I’m hopelessly in love with someone who’s not capable of loving me back.
Down the barrel of my dad is dying and I don’t have the money to fly home and see him.
Down the barrel of I’m losing my faith because God doesn’t seem to hear me anymore.
The most awful part of not having enough is the way it convolutes reality with its pervasive, fluid, nebulous, inky cover of night. It affects every thought; hangs out in the background of every conversation, every new idea, every prayer, every freshly-written morning list. It takes hope and clarity and forces them into murky waters where you can’t see them.
This is what I do to fight back…even when I don’t have a lot of fight in me.
I make one list.
I write at the top of the paper: “What Would Make My Life Work, Right Now?” And then I begin to list out everything I can think of. Even the stuff I have no power to make happen. Even the stuff that would take a miracle. Even the stuff I have no intention of doing. If it would make my life work right now, I write it down.
When you write your list, read it out loud. Then read it again silently. Take in some deep breaths and figure out which 1-2 you are going to do within the next 3 days. Put stars next to the ones that would take miracles. Just get clear on what it would take to turn this situation around.
Your list is one way you “give some back.”
Riding with you shotgun,
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