There was a long period of my life where things were very routine and dependable. Life had a lovely cadence: coffee in the morning with hubby, kids to school by 9, run on the beach afterward, grocery shopping at the farmers market, school board meeting, dinner at six. Church was on Sunday. Friends came once a month for game night. In-laws every other year for Christmas. There were 3 gorgeous kids, a husband, roses in the garden, a picket fence, and Suburban in the driveway. It went on like that for about 15 years.
Then the worst-case scenario hit.
Before my worst-case scenario, I had one, invisible directive running me: To stay safe and good.
Stay safe and warm and clean and dry and good. It was actually a lovely way to live. I do not regret one moment of that life, nor do I think I’m living a better and more “evolved” life now that I’m on the other side of my worst-case scenario.
But back then, I had no idea what I was made of.
I thought I couldn’t work full-time and still be an attentive, loving mom. I didn’t think that I, personally, had what it takes to pull that off.
I thought that marriage had rescued me from being alone.
I thought my life choices were either in God’s plan, or an expression of rebelliousness. I had no understanding of how deep, and wide, and intense God’s love was and how excited He was for me just to start making some plans- any plans- instead of being paralyzed by fear.
I thought my most valued skill-set was to be a good wife and mom. I didn’t think that I could find work I love and serve the world with it every single day. I thought I needed a college degree for that.
I thought that I wasn’t smart enough or brave enough to take care of business when shit hit the fan.
I didn’t think that, if everything I knew about my life to be true and constant, stopped being true and constant, I could survive it.
Having a worst-case scenario liberates you. You get to see what you’re made of. And trust me, you are more loving, and precious, and beautiful, and bad ass, and resilient, and creative, and tender, and strong than you could ever imagine. I know I was.
Cheek to cheek,
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Comments
Lori
How about having 10 years of unrelenting worst case scenarios – including nasty divorce, loss of business, loss of homes, loss of cars, more than a dozen surgeries for my youngest son, oldest son going into sudden onset of Type 1 diabetes and going into a coma and almost dying (he made it and is fine now), my life partner being jailed for being unable to pay child support due to the economy, loss of all my friends, oldest son almost dying two more times from said diabetes and more?
Yes, I am much more resilient than I ever dreamed I was, but I am still working on seeing the gift and meaning in all of it. My life is now working quite well, but the residual effects of all that stress are apparent sometimes.
I am badass. I won’t just stand by and passively let life happen to me anymore, that is for sure. And I can spot a bullshitter from a mile away. I more quickly extricate myself from situations and friendships that don’t serve me. What I’d like to find is the connection to my spirituality again. I lost it when none of my spiritual practices seemed to help my situations…
Heather
Oh Ms. St. Claire, you have done it again! I am weeping like a willow right now.
Your writings, your moxie, your tenderness and your beautiful heart are amazing gifts that you continually share with us.
I bow to you in Gratitude and Humbleness…….
HG
Logan
Thanks you Stephanie. I am in the middle of the worst case scenario and just starting to unclench my fists, relax my solar plexus and open up to where it leads me, like a leaf that falls from a tree–it lies flat and open in order to float easily down a river to who knows where. I am learning that I am stronger than I ever thought I was…I am ready for change. I am ready to go through the storm and see where I’m standing when the sun shines again.
Trisha
I couldn’t sleep tonight. I am leaving in two days for Colorado. After I let everyone know I made it, I am safe I am handing my electronics to my friend I’m staying with and putting myself on “Electronic Lock Out”. I am not going to talk to the ex for at 60 days, and I am going to follow the “Make the break up Suck Less” rules.
I was lying there tonight thinking about all these things and what I have been through in life and what I AM going through now…and THIS post came to my mind. I actually hadn’t even read it yet, but I saw the title and the phrase stuck out in my head. I guess, actually I am pretty sure I didn’t read it before because I wasn’t mentally ready to. Until tonight.
I agree, wholeheartedly, and I am just at the beginning of tackling and overcoming this one, but yes, having a Worst Case Scenario DOES liberate you.
Thank you for listening to the still small voice and letting and allowing God to work through you.
Connie
Love this and find it to be so very true…thank you.
Marc
Hi Stephanie,
I always thought I was a Man… Until my wife got cancer and passed away after 2 months…
Then I realized I was just beginning to be a Man… I was 39 and 4 kids from 3 to 7.
4 years after wonderful challenges, we are serene, and…
Well, now you know why I love your website… Often you have the right words at the right place for the right reason. And that make me smile (of happiness, of course).
Thanks you.
Marc.
Erin
This was truly moving…I was right there with you. You have such a gift and you inspire others so much. Thank you for this…hugs!
kirri
Just lost for words today Stephanie…but Thank You x
Dennis Train
Steph~
I think that you’ve done Amazing on Your Journey!
Hugs & Merry Christmas to you, Jake, Lo & Aubrey~
Den
Kim H.
Hi, Stephanie -
Reading this brought tears to my eyes – oh, how I needed your particular brand of cheerleading today – so thank you, thank you…
Hope you don’t mind that MY cheek is damp -
Kim
Beth
Hi Stephanie, thank you so much for sharing this! I too lived the perfect life in the Port Streets of Newport. It’s all gone now and I’m in the middle of my worst-case scenario.
Thank you for reminding there is light. It just may not be what I thought it was going to look like.
Have a fabulous day!
Beth