I found some old notes I had written a few years ago when I was happily in love with a wonderful man. I wrote this on the plane home from one of our incredible trips, and the truths I learned from being the object of his extraordinary love have stayed with me to this day. Although we ended up not being the right fit for each other, I will be ever grateful to him, as he loved me in a way that set the bar incredibly high for my future husband.
Here’s the List:
+ Share your feelings of love, devotion, and commitment with her. Especially when the infatuation has faded.
+ Touch her: hold her hand, rub the back of her neck, kiss her in public, rest your hand on the small of her back, guide her through a crowd, offer your hand when she’s getting out of the car, rub her legs, massage her feet.
+ Look up at her every so often when you’re busy. Let your eyes do the talking. They should say, “I admire you. I’m so happy we’re together. I love you.”
+ Always make sure she knows what you want to give her. Speak and demonstrate the life she will have with you.
+ Be a true man. Have an old fashioned side to you. Do not air every emotion. Buck up when you have to. Cultivate character because she needs to be able to trust your rock-solid values; be strong in your life, especially your work and your self-respect. Be confident.
+ Make her feel that, if it’s within your power, you will give her the things her heart desires. A good woman will never take advantage of this. She will only become sweeter and she will shower you with appreciation and respect.
+ Tell her you love her children and want to provide a great life for them. Act loving and engaged when you are around them. Remember that it’s on YOU to build the relationship with them, not the other way around.
+ Love to have fun with her. Go out, see things, do things, exercise with her, dance with her, take her out to eat, squeeze her in public. LAUGH A LOT!
+ Be a man of your word: Call when you say you will, show up on time, don’t cancel on her, don’t keep her guessing. SHOW YOUR INTEREST in a loving, self-respecting way.
+ Tell her she’s the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen and really mean it.
+ Never point out her surface flaws. She already knows them. She harbors the secret hope that you don’t notice them.
+ Be patient if she takes a little longer to do her hair and make-up. She wants to be gorgeous for you.
+ Tell her that you think her calloused feet are beautiful. Kiss them. Then massage them. She will brag about this to all her friends and they will want to marry you too.
+ Be both a visualizer with huge goals, AND a man of action. Having both of these traits will set you worlds apart from most men.
+ Be a skillful and generous lover. Take your time and adore her body. Do what it takes to please her. Create the ideal environment for her to be fully adventurous with you.
+ Do not sleep with everything in a skirt. We lose respect for you.
+ Tell her you can’t wait to marry her (when you’ve gotten to that point) and let her know that you ache for the moment when you can live under the same roof with her.
FOR ALL THE GUYS READING THIS: There are incredible, loving, beautiful women out there who are looking for a guy JUST LIKE YOU. Do not buy into the lie that there are “no good women” left, or even that they are in scarce supply. If what you’re REALLY AFTER is a quality woman with whom you can share your life with, keep your eyes OPEN and be intentional about choosing exactly that. And yes gentlemen, I think you should have a GORGEOUS woman who rocks your world: Someone who can keep up with you intellectually AND with whom you have electrifying attraction.
Decide that you want BOTH beauty and quality.
Be a GOOD man, and on a MISSION in life.
Keep your eyes open. Pray over the well-being of your future wife every day. Imagine what it’s like for her – out there without you.
Watch the magic happen.
FOR ALL MY GIRLS READING THIS: Do not buy into the horrible lie that you have to be elusive or “bitchy” to keep a man interested. There is a crazy agreement in our generation that coldness is power. That persona attracts immature jerks who’s ego is fed by “the chase.” Last I checked, none of us want those guys.
A lot of you are NOT wired to be elusive and bitchy. (Thank God!) But as a result, I sense a REAL resignation that goes something like “Oh, well, I’m not good at playing games, so I’ll just have to settle with not getting the guy I REALLY want. Or I’ll have to be more bitchy and withholding to keep his interest.”
NO! NO! NO! You don’t! There have been plenty of amazing, handsome, spiritual, strong men that have come into my path and I am TELLING YOU STRAIGHT UP, the world is full of them. Heads up on a forthcoming blog post where I address what’s going on in “womanhood” that those guys don’t seem to be “out there.” For now, consider the possibility that you are simply blind to them.
Wishing you all BLISS, adventure, and a love that fills your heart beyond measure,