Today I am going to share a little bit about my spiritual beliefs.
I go into depth about my spiritual journey in The St.Claire Diaries (relaunching soon), including the six years I lived in almost-obscurity as a Calvinistic, Orthodox Presbyterian. Think: dresses only, long hair, Sunday Sabbath, 3-hour church services.
Like a lot of people, my religious journey is a compendium of pit stops through various churches over the years. I am thankful for my Catholic upbringing (I learned healthy respect) and thankful for the banquet of Protestant-type churches I attended for 20 years following (I learned love). I was not damaged by religion.
But eight years ago, I blank-slated my religious beliefs because all the rules and orthodoxy I devoured to create closeness with God didn’t produce one drop of love in my heart for Him. Although I loved Him madly. And I had to face the fact that the love I felt for Him grew because of my internal dialogue and daily experience with Him, not because of my religious practice.
I realized my thoughts about God didn’t really fit under one steeple. The only thing I did know was that I love Him, and I believed He loved me.
Whether Jesus was real or not, Son of God or just a prophet, I knew it served me to be close to him, to talk to him, to run things past him, and to lean on him. And so I have for the past eight years. And, with the exception of one year here in New York City, I’ve grown my faith and love without attending church.
This might be where I wax on poetic about how I see God in every human being and my church is the church of friendship and love. But really? I’m just figuring out my faith like everyone else. And I’ve got the patchwork quilt of childhood beliefs to contend with, along with the occasional fear/guilt that I could be going to hell for this loose, deregulated relationship with God. So there is no waxing on about ‘how it is.’ Simply, a humble, wide-eyed, earnest commitment to keep seeking Him every day.
If you wanted to talk about God with me, and see my eyes shine like sparkly stars at twilight, we would talk about these things:
- The science behind how the Universe works, and the laws of physics.
- The rise and fall of kings, queens, rulers, and their empires.
- The science of language, and its power to create.
- My life story. Your life story. And how we made it pretty much unscathed.
- My kids. And how awesome they are….so awesome I really can’t take credit. Their awesomeness far eclipses my mothering skills. If you ever meet them, you’ll agree.
- Miracles that lay outside of physics, like love, forgiveness, grace, good conversation, and Joe Manganiello.
Here is the essence of my faith: I love and believe in the God who created this Universe, you, and me. I live because of Him, and out of gratitude I am co-creating the best life I can with Him. I will serve Him with my every breath and have fun along the way. Someday, my consciousness will leave this body and then there will be a new game to play.
I write about these matters of life, love, relationship, and spirit frequently. Would you like the free Weekly Note Card delivered to your inbox? Sign up here.